Does wandering, make you lost?

What do you do if you ever find yourself lost? Is there a moment of panic when you realize what you're doing or where you are? I guess the kind of lost I'm talking about is not the physical kind, but rather the emotional or spiritual one. When you realize that you've lost the person you once were to someone that you have become, what do you do?

J.R.R Tolkien once said, "not all those who wander are lost." So does this imply that when you feel lost, you're actually just wandering? When I put my mind to it, it makes perfect sense. Maybe if we become someone we aren't supposed to be it's just our mental state wandering, and eventually we find our way back to ourselves. So what makes our minds wander? There are too many answers to that question I believe, but maybe we can discover the biggest ones or can we? In reality everyone is different, and everyone leads a different life. So who am I to say what makes a person's mind wander? Well I can't say what makes other people's minds wander, but I can discuss what makes mine wander...

Now that I'm truly thinking about this...everything can force my mind to wander, but to never get lost. Certain people can make my mind wander the most; these are the different people. These people, usually, are people who have changed or will change my life. Some of these people make me think about myself, and the person that I am becoming. They force me to reflect on myself and ask myself the tough questions that I need to answer in order to become the person that I want to become. Other people make me think about human kind and what our world has become. They make me want to help other people or animals in need. All in all, every single important person in my life has helped me learn a great deal about life and the kind of life I want to lead. They allow me to wander without getting lost.

That One Person

There's usually one person that can change everything for you. That one person that may make you happy no matter what your mood or that person that you can just talk to for hours and hours or that one person you can just be around and enjoy their company. Sometimes you don't appreciate that person until you see them next, and then you realize how important they are to you. I have many people in my life like that. Well it might not be as many as you think, but it's at least 2 or 3 people and for me that's a lot.

I just spent my morning with one of the greatest people in my life and he gave me a lot to think about. Within the 2 hours we spent this morning we talked a lot. All while paddle boarding I caught him up with my life and then he gave me some of his own wisdom. It was enough to allow me to think about my life and my future. His wife is a sweetheart and she always makes me feel loved whenever I'm around her and today was no different. They always listen to me and they're the greatest parents to their young daughter. They make me feel like their daughter and I truly appreciate everything they've done for me in the short time I've known them.

I have one definite other friend that I know will always be there for me and will always keep me in check. She's become one of my best friends this past year and I don't know what I would do without her. She's that one person that I can go to for just about anything and everything. These are the people that mean the most to me. I hope everyone has at least one of these people in their lives. These are the people who could change your thinking and change your life.

Two Faces, One Truth

How can you tell when someone is actually telling the truth? Is it their body language? Or their tone of voice? How about the facts and figures already laid on the table? Now what happens when you believe that person, you allow yourself to fully trust them....and then they lie to someone else about you. They say the exact opposite of what they just told you. So how do you know when someone is being two faced? and what do you do when you find out the truth?

I've met a lot of two faced people throughout my young life and I've been fairly clueless about them all, until now. I used to never be able to tell when someone was lying to me or being two faced to me, I always thought people, my friends, were just telling me the truth! Oh how young and naïve I used to be because those people have taught me how to catch people like them...sucks to be those people who meet me now. I can now tell if you're lying or being two faced...their body language is nervous and fidgety, their tone of voice isn't normally how it is, and I've usually have found out other facts that don't match what they're saying. So now I can tell that they're lying or that you're going behind my back to talk about me.

So now what do I do about that? There are many choices laid in front of me now: I can ignore it, I can confront it, I can talk about them behind their back, or I can move forward in life knowing that I have been honest and truthful to the people that meant the most to me. The hardest part about trying to move on and not bother to give these people any more unnecessary attention is the fact that I'll be doing it alone. No one else will be able to tell you good job for moving forward or tell you that you're one tough cookie for ignoring that. I just sometimes wish people would tell the truth and not be so two faced.

You may have two faces, but there's only one truth.

Make it Stop.

We stop for red lights and for stop signs, we slow down for yield signs and we slow down to let little ducklings cross the road. Most of us say we slow down or at least try to slow down to enjoy life. So how are we able to stop and slow down for the things I've stated above but have difficulty stopping for other aspects in life? These other things may include moving on from a bad friendship or to stop believing in everything that people say or stop seeing someone who makes you miserable. How can you leave someone you've cared about?

I think when you finally decide that that person was never meant to be a part of your life then it's just allowing them to go that's the hard part. I think the mental action of letting someone go is the easiest part. It's always difficult to physically leave someone. I always find it hard to stop looking back at the memories you've shared and the things you've talked about because those were the things that helped shape you into the person you've become. So how do you make it stop after so long? Physically this is hard, mentally it's not. Mentally I've written these people out, they're gone, done, outta sight, outta mind, but when they come around....It's like I go back to old habits. Does that make me two faced--for being nice but having already written them off? Or can I really not let these people go from my life?

It's all a part of growing up and growing older I suppose. You eventually learn who are your true friends and what people will want to be in your life. I'm still learning and hopefully I'll be able to stop myself sooner rather than later with these people. As for now I'll continue to stop at red lights and stop signs, and remember to slow down for life in general.

A look into the future

Does the future ever scare any one else? Because it definitely scares me. I know you're supposed to live in the moment and enjoy life, but how can you not look ahead? I've been asked to look ahead, into my future just today, and everything else popped up into my head. Job, school, family, marriage, moving.....all of it. There's so much running through my mind that it's hard to focus on words to write on this page. It's incredible to me that one moment I can picture everything that I want: who I want to marry, how many children I want, what I want my job to be, where I want to live, it just never ends, and then the very next moment I'm lost in my own thoughts, in the real world.

People come as easily as they may go in someone's life. It's a thought that I find myself thinking about quite often when I think about my future. I think about what friends will be in my wedding or whose kids will be playing with my kids. I guess in reality I just need allow God to take care of my future and just trust him to give me the right directions. But what do you do when you feel pulled in more than one direction? I feel like there are two or three roads ahead of me and I'm too scared to even take one step forward.

All I can do now, I guess, is trust in God and trust in myself that the right road will have a light above it and I'll know to walk down it. Every once in a while though I think we need to get scared about the future, that way we'll all still be on our toes because life can throw anything at us at any minute and it only helps if we're ready.

What do you believe?

There's so many things one person can believe in. There's sports teams, family members, a character on a tv show, fairies, trolls, world peace, God, teammates, unicorns, Hogwarts, a pet, and lies. I find that people believe in lies the most. I know I do...or at least I used to. The only reason why people believe in lies is because they have already put their complete and absolute trust in someone or something. So if their trust is already fully out on the table why else wouldn't someone believe in a lie? Until recently I've always been one to believe in lies. I've never had a reason not to believe people, until now. My whole world has changed with the new thought processes that I've been having. Now granted, not everyone has lost my trust in the world (that would make me paranoid as all get out). But certain people have lost my trust and do I think they'll get it back? I don't know! I don't even know what I'm having for lunch today.

So when people believe in these lies, when does this make believe become reality? For me it happened within a few days. I could piece together the made up stories like a puzzle, not to mention the truth was finally revealed by people closest to them. So when reality is finally found and space is used how much can a person believe of the previous conversations and actions done? How much of these past two years was real and how much of it was a lie? I feel like not a day goes by without thinking about how much I didn't lie, about how much I was open and real with this person, and how stupid I was to do any of that. Does this also mean that they couldn't trust me enough to tell me the truth? Makes me question the kind of person that I have become....but then again, it makes me question the kind of person they have become as well. Why does a lie need to be told in order to get attention? I would rather have someone get my attention by showing me how much money they have rather than listen to someone tell me a lie.

It's an unending cycle. People lie to get what they want, other people believe them, the truth comes out, people make up, and another lie is told. So how do we break this cycle? This is the step where I've been stuck at. Is it about forgiving and forgetting? or maybe forgiving and helping? These are the questions that will help me move forward with this situation and future situations that arise (lets hope their won't be too many). I've always been one to believe in lies. But now I'll believe you until you lie to me and then....well, I can't seem to make myself believe you again. What do you believe in?